Disbelief ~ Homer

~ written for BlogFriday come on over and check it out
Fiction

Before she even woke up Gwen felt the sadness in her chest. She had spent a week preparing for this day and yet as she slowly opened her eyes she felt the overwhelming urge to cry come over her. Homer, being Homer, jumped onto the bed and began pressing his wet nose against her face as he did every morning - getting antsy for his morning walk. She rolled over and buried her face in her pillow and began to sob without restraint. Almost as if understanding something was different, Homer burrowed under the covers next to her, making her sobs come even harder.

After five years of wet noses every morning and long walks before work, today there would be no walk. Homer had terminal cancer before he was barely out of puppyhood. Homer had been a present from her husband Elliot nine months after Gwen found our she was infertile. She was a strong woman but finding out she would never be able to have children tossed her into a depression. Together she and Elliot had talked through it all. The both agreed that they did not want to adopt and that they would find other ways to share their love with children and animals through nieces and nephews and her volunteer work at the animal rescue.

~

It was a rainy Sunday afternoon that Elliot had brought home this awkward, gangly very wet puppy. As they stumbled in the door, Gwen thought, "I wonder how long this one will be staying with us." As they often took in dogs from the shelter on a temporary basis for various reasons. Elliot let go of the leash and ran back out to the car. He returned with enough dog gear for a year. "What?!? What is going on?" Gwen asked, then she looked up at Elliot and knew this was not just another temporary resident and her heart melted.

~

You'd never know that Homer had a thing wrong with him judging by his behavior this morning, which made getting out of bed and starting the day all that much harder. The vet had assured her that he was not going to get better and that the medication was the driver of his renewed energy but cautioned her that it was only temporary. Only temporary bought her another 2 weeks with Homer but every day was sadder, heavier. Today was the day she would have to say goodbye to her best friend and confidant. To the one creature in the world who had listened to all her grief, even that which she couldn't share with her husband. Where she was going to find the strength to get through today she did not know. But it had to start with a cup of coffee and a shower.

Driving to the vet's office she had to pull over twice from nausea and she even threw up once from the disbelief of the reality of her day today. She had not felt this lousy since the days following the news that she was infertile. She had felt like this ever since she had gotten the news that Homer's time was limited. Pulling herself together she walked into the vet's office and immediately started to cry. Everyone was very compassionate and she was walking out the door, tissues in hand an hour later when she passed out.

Waking up in the emergency room with the vet assistant by her side, the sadness overwhelmed her again before she even wondered why she was at the hospital. A few moments later her husband walked in and rushed to her side, "I am so sorry I didn't go with you this morning, you kept telling me it was something you wanted to do on your own and I shouldn't have listened, this whole ordeal with the dog has taken it's toll on you and I am sorry, he said".

"I am sorry to hear about Homer" the doctor said entering the room, "but that is not the reason you passed out." Puzzled and immediately scared for her own health she looked at her husband and grabbed his hands as she waited for the doctors next words.

I see that your record indicates that you are infertile. "Yes, yes" Gwen said. I have been for about 6 years. Well then this might come as a surprise but, "You're pregnant, with twins." Gwen almost threw up for the second time that day from disbelief. Her husband had to sit down. Six years ago Gwen was told she was infertile and could not not have children. She had been told this with "100% certainty" although thinking back she never was really told why, or maybe she had been and just did not remember through her depression. She had stopped taking the pill and had a healthy sex life with her husband. No babies for 6 years...she was infertile. But wait, now here was this man telling her she was pregnant with twins, and showing her an ultrasound that showed her two, twelve week old images of what were to be her boys.

"Everything looks fine the doctor said, but I suggest you get some rest, you at least 18 busy years ahead of you..." As the doctor walked out of the door and her husband went to bring the car around she sat in the dimly lit room and couldn't help but wonder what to believe about the power of death and life and the intertwined relationship that existed. On a day that one of the saddest things happened with Homer's passing, she couldn't help but wonder about the wonder in the world. She sat sitting in utter disbelief at the day and wondered how she might get away with naming one of the twin boys Homer.

(c)Michelle S. 2007.

All Rights Reserved

**I consider this and most all of work here works in progress. All constructive feedback is welcome.