~ written for Sunday Scribblings
Everyone says hindsight is 20/20, oh wait that is too cliché for an opening sentence. Well my youth was cliché so perhaps it works in it’s own way. I was angst ridden in my youth, not popular but not unpopular. While I may have been worrisome to my folks it was not what you think. Sure I may have frazzled them to death my endless questions and anxiety and need for reassurance – this lasted well into my 20’s and the anxiety part….well let’s just say we are still aquaintences.
I never had a curfew because I was never out late. I never really got grounded because well…I was never out late. I did have a “sassy mouth” on me and a persistent demand to get the last word in always. Drove my mother NUTS.
I didn’t drink at all until sometime around 17-18. Didn’t lost my virginity till I was 20. My biggest mis-spentness in my youth was my “sassy mouth” my insecurities, and my love of spending. I am still working on all three to some point I suppose, only now I prefer to call it dry wit or sarcasm.
I guess if you stretch “youth” into my twenties then there were plenty of mis-spent moments. Maybe I just came into pushing my boundaries, and whooping it up until then. Still what I consider my “wild days” were tame in comparison to most others I know. Still there are a few numbers I would like to turn back the clock and lower!
Am I the adult I thought I would be when I was a kid? In some ways…I am married and I have a dog. I fell short of being a pediatric oncologist or a Peter Jennings-esque journalist living in a huge loft in NYC, but that is OK with me. I am glad to not live in NYC. I don’t think I ever could have envisioned doing what I do for a living now simply because technology was not where it is at now.
Some things never change – I loved to read and write then and I still do now. I still like to shop and still manage my money with less finesse than I would like. I still and always will love; ice cream, pasta, risotto, cheese, pizza, my mom’s homemade sauce, and the ocean. My desires now are simpler though.
I can honestly say though that if I could turn back time there is only one thing I would change – and that stays with me.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Writer's Island - Friendship
~ written for Writer's Island
So the leader of Writer's Island tosses out "Friendship" as the word of the week. Does he realize that novels, I mean EPIC novels could be written on this topic and that there are at least a dozen different paths I could take with this prompt? First let me say this, ironically enough I too just finished reading "The Kite Runner" this week. I was blown away by it. It wasn't just good in my opinion it was fantastic. OK that said, back to Friendship.
Ask any one of my friends I am a social person. I can talk to anyone anytime and it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to be in an elevator with someone and not say something to them. That said sociability does not necessarily equal a lot of friendships.
I have not maintained contact with a single person from elementary, high school, or college. WOW right. That is not to say I did not have friends during those times. I had a best friend from early in elementary school through high school we were inseparable. I was not in the popular crowd and that was OK with me, or at least that is what I told myself at the time, WE were friends. College led us separate ways and well I know she lives a few towns over but I have no desire to revisit the old days.
College was a mash of various groups of friends, some of who did not get along with each other and in hindsight I often found myself feeling more tense at times than necessary. My first major friendship heartache did not come until my senior year of college when my roommate broke up with her long distance boyfriend and my (male) friend who I had a major crush on and she started dating behind my back. I lived with her and would pour my heart out to her over this guy and they end up dating. They are happily married now with at least one child, and yes I was in their wedding.
After college my friends consisted of the people I went out with, lived with and shared good times with. It wasn't until I was in grad school that I met someone I would call my best friend (since my elementary school friend). Kate and I were inseparable. Both out of college both trying to figure out who the hell we were and both in on again off again relationships that were usually less than stellar. We could spend days doing nothing together. We worked together waitressing and went out late into the night. I still consider her a good friend and I know if I called her at 2AM and said "I need you right now" she would come, her son in tow perhaps but she would come - even though we have not spoken in almost a year - we aren't mad at each other - life, babies, houses, jobs, and everything else just eats up our time. We are at different points in our paths. We will reconnect someday.
Where does all this leave me? It leaves me with the very best friend I have in my husband...but I can't talk girl talk with him. It leaves me with my mom who I am so incredibly happy to have a good friend now that I am grown...but there are still things you can't share there, and it leaves me with a small circle of good friends that I could tally on one hand - people I know I can count on for anything and this is OK with me. Like I said before I know a lot of people, I socialize a lot but I often think that the word friendship is applied too easily sometimes, but categorizing and leveling friendships is an entirely different post for another time.
I believe that real friendships are like reading good books, you hate to but you can stop and pause and go and do something else for awhile, and they will always be there ready to pick up right where you left off without missing a beat.
Come check out other writers on Writer's Island or better yet, come on over and join the island!
So the leader of Writer's Island tosses out "Friendship" as the word of the week. Does he realize that novels, I mean EPIC novels could be written on this topic and that there are at least a dozen different paths I could take with this prompt? First let me say this, ironically enough I too just finished reading "The Kite Runner" this week. I was blown away by it. It wasn't just good in my opinion it was fantastic. OK that said, back to Friendship.
Ask any one of my friends I am a social person. I can talk to anyone anytime and it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to be in an elevator with someone and not say something to them. That said sociability does not necessarily equal a lot of friendships.
I have not maintained contact with a single person from elementary, high school, or college. WOW right. That is not to say I did not have friends during those times. I had a best friend from early in elementary school through high school we were inseparable. I was not in the popular crowd and that was OK with me, or at least that is what I told myself at the time, WE were friends. College led us separate ways and well I know she lives a few towns over but I have no desire to revisit the old days.
College was a mash of various groups of friends, some of who did not get along with each other and in hindsight I often found myself feeling more tense at times than necessary. My first major friendship heartache did not come until my senior year of college when my roommate broke up with her long distance boyfriend and my (male) friend who I had a major crush on and she started dating behind my back. I lived with her and would pour my heart out to her over this guy and they end up dating. They are happily married now with at least one child, and yes I was in their wedding.
After college my friends consisted of the people I went out with, lived with and shared good times with. It wasn't until I was in grad school that I met someone I would call my best friend (since my elementary school friend). Kate and I were inseparable. Both out of college both trying to figure out who the hell we were and both in on again off again relationships that were usually less than stellar. We could spend days doing nothing together. We worked together waitressing and went out late into the night. I still consider her a good friend and I know if I called her at 2AM and said "I need you right now" she would come, her son in tow perhaps but she would come - even though we have not spoken in almost a year - we aren't mad at each other - life, babies, houses, jobs, and everything else just eats up our time. We are at different points in our paths. We will reconnect someday.
Where does all this leave me? It leaves me with the very best friend I have in my husband...but I can't talk girl talk with him. It leaves me with my mom who I am so incredibly happy to have a good friend now that I am grown...but there are still things you can't share there, and it leaves me with a small circle of good friends that I could tally on one hand - people I know I can count on for anything and this is OK with me. Like I said before I know a lot of people, I socialize a lot but I often think that the word friendship is applied too easily sometimes, but categorizing and leveling friendships is an entirely different post for another time.
I believe that real friendships are like reading good books, you hate to but you can stop and pause and go and do something else for awhile, and they will always be there ready to pick up right where you left off without missing a beat.
Come check out other writers on Writer's Island or better yet, come on over and join the island!
Friday, November 9, 2007
Leaving Left and Accepting Right
~ written for Sunday Scribblings 11/9/2007 ~ check it out and come join!
It wasn't the first time in her life that she felt this way. Out of place, out of sorts, as if she was running out of auntenticity and time. She spent her entire life into her thirties trying to fit in, trying to be someone she thought she should be. The problem was the person that she was striving to be was fluid, never defined and therefore never achieveable.
There was no defining moment but at somepoint in the middle of her thirtieth decade she decidid that now would be a good time to start being authentic. To start listening to her heart instead of her silly head that was more concerned with fitting in, being liked and seeming accomplished than with being comfortable in her own skin and satisfying her spirit. Catching up to where others were no longer seemed important, she finally wanted to stop being concerned with if she was left out and instead recognize the happieness she had right where she was.
Don't forget to go check out the other Sunday Scribblers!
It wasn't the first time in her life that she felt this way. Out of place, out of sorts, as if she was running out of auntenticity and time. She spent her entire life into her thirties trying to fit in, trying to be someone she thought she should be. The problem was the person that she was striving to be was fluid, never defined and therefore never achieveable.
There was no defining moment but at somepoint in the middle of her thirtieth decade she decidid that now would be a good time to start being authentic. To start listening to her heart instead of her silly head that was more concerned with fitting in, being liked and seeming accomplished than with being comfortable in her own skin and satisfying her spirit. Catching up to where others were no longer seemed important, she finally wanted to stop being concerned with if she was left out and instead recognize the happieness she had right where she was.
Don't forget to go check out the other Sunday Scribblers!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Unforgettable
~ written for Writer's Island
There are many amazing things that have happened to me in my life, some remembered readily and thought of often, other remembered only when my memory is jogged by a scent, a comment or a photo.
Recently what has been most unforgettable to me are the smaller things. Maybe one or two of them standing along are not unforgettable, but when collectively the small things keep occurring, they become unforgettable.
What do I mean? I mean the person in your office who you are not really friendly with but who is in on many of your meetings remembering your birthday two years in a row. The neighbor next door who takes out both his and your trash every week. The mailman that is smart enough to carry milk bones instead of mace in his pocket but who is nice enough to feed 5 of them to your dog (after asking of course!). Unforgettable moments and people do not have to be grand or elaborate - although those can be nice as well.
The wise older co-worker who helps guide you through the ins and outs of mortgages, without ever touching on the subject of you financial status. The co-worker who one day becomes a friend and you never realized the transition happened. I could go on and on. You know what I mean.
Treasure the little things in life. Those are the things that we need to remember that we need to cultivate as unforgettable, they are the things that occur day in and day out - not just as a once in a lifetime moment. Both have their place but to find joy every day...find the unforgettable moments in your day.
Come check out other writers on Writer's Island or better yet, come on over and join the island!
* I consider this and most all of work here works in progress. I know there are several areas. All constructive feedback is welcome.
There are many amazing things that have happened to me in my life, some remembered readily and thought of often, other remembered only when my memory is jogged by a scent, a comment or a photo.
Recently what has been most unforgettable to me are the smaller things. Maybe one or two of them standing along are not unforgettable, but when collectively the small things keep occurring, they become unforgettable.
What do I mean? I mean the person in your office who you are not really friendly with but who is in on many of your meetings remembering your birthday two years in a row. The neighbor next door who takes out both his and your trash every week. The mailman that is smart enough to carry milk bones instead of mace in his pocket but who is nice enough to feed 5 of them to your dog (after asking of course!). Unforgettable moments and people do not have to be grand or elaborate - although those can be nice as well.
The wise older co-worker who helps guide you through the ins and outs of mortgages, without ever touching on the subject of you financial status. The co-worker who one day becomes a friend and you never realized the transition happened. I could go on and on. You know what I mean.
Treasure the little things in life. Those are the things that we need to remember that we need to cultivate as unforgettable, they are the things that occur day in and day out - not just as a once in a lifetime moment. Both have their place but to find joy every day...find the unforgettable moments in your day.
Come check out other writers on Writer's Island or better yet, come on over and join the island!
* I consider this and most all of work here works in progress. I know there are several areas. All constructive feedback is welcome.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Writer's Island - "The Problem of Time"
~ written for Writer's Island
Writer's Island, Blog Friday, my personal blog, this writing blog, my current job, my new job, my husband, my dog, my friends, my life, my I-can't-wait-to-start-taking-a-night-class-in writing, the holidays are coming (oh yes they are my dear friends), and keeping in touch with everyone I want to, while balancing my very real need for alone time and creative time and veg out time and seeing my niece time.
So what's the problem. Time. That's it. I don't have enough time. How do people who work full time, and write find the time? A class will help believe it or not because I will have assignments to produce. I am hoping that something I produce in one of the 4 classes I take before I can apply to the Master in Liberal Arts Degree in Creative Writing can be used for my application - we need to submit two pieces. Deadlines and directives help me. Creative writing however is not so geared toward starting with a directive - hence the creative part.
Problem or not I keep doing what I can to write, and I need to revise some of what I have done at some point but for now - it's just keep writing. If I can do that, the problem where I find the time is 1/2 overcome, or at least ignored.
Come check out other writers on Writer's Island or better yet, come on over and join the island!
* I consider this and most all of work here works in progress. I know there are several areas. All constructive feedback is welcome.
Writer's Island, Blog Friday, my personal blog, this writing blog, my current job, my new job, my husband, my dog, my friends, my life, my I-can't-wait-to-start-taking-a-night-class-in writing, the holidays are coming (oh yes they are my dear friends), and keeping in touch with everyone I want to, while balancing my very real need for alone time and creative time and veg out time and seeing my niece time.
So what's the problem. Time. That's it. I don't have enough time. How do people who work full time, and write find the time? A class will help believe it or not because I will have assignments to produce. I am hoping that something I produce in one of the 4 classes I take before I can apply to the Master in Liberal Arts Degree in Creative Writing can be used for my application - we need to submit two pieces. Deadlines and directives help me. Creative writing however is not so geared toward starting with a directive - hence the creative part.
Problem or not I keep doing what I can to write, and I need to revise some of what I have done at some point but for now - it's just keep writing. If I can do that, the problem where I find the time is 1/2 overcome, or at least ignored.
Come check out other writers on Writer's Island or better yet, come on over and join the island!
* I consider this and most all of work here works in progress. I know there are several areas. All constructive feedback is welcome.
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